As some of you who enjoy my random musings here and on Facebook may have noticed I have been strangely silent through most of April. No new project picture updates, no blog post about the creative process and new statues updates about the team getting together to build for several weeks. "What gives?" you may ask. "did you quiet your dreams and move into a cave?" I will answer all of this as simply as I can. I have been suffering from crippling puppet block! Over the last few weeks I have struggled to build and design. Several big life changes; a new job, a car accident, and the new routine that comes with those things have recently entered into my life and I chalked up my lack of interest to being tired and adjusting to the new schedule. I would get home from work, hang out with my kids, clean a little bit and after I put the kids to bed I would sit down with every intention to build. This was the routine I had for the better part of 2 years. Since the beginning of April I have found every reason under the sun to avoid the last part of my day. I have even gone so far as to stop writing in my journal (a process I have always recommended for artists). Over the last few days I began to realize that I am experiencing something akin to writer's block. I want to work but find no inspiration or interest in the process and therefore don't. As I thought on this I realized that writer's block (or puppet block as I like to call it) is really a form of depression for artists. It is a hard thing to talk about, though I suspect that many of us have experienced a lack of interest in the things we love. It is the empty feeling that comes with the block that makes it feel like depression. I can pin-point the beginning of this; the moment when a key member of THE LETTER Z's production team fell through. It was a set back that was frustrating and made the process a lot slower. Instead of being able to rely on someone else I would have to learn a whole new set of skills and assemble a team of people I had very little knowledge about. it seemed almost impossible to get talented people on board when I knew almost nothing about what skills would be needed. As I spent more and more time learning this new craft the more I felt like my project was not going to happen. This made me really sad, to be quite frank. That feeling, combined with all the other factors, eventually led to a loss of interest in working. This morning all of this finally clicked into place and I understood what I was dealing with. As someone who has experienced mild depression in life I suddenly felt a little better. By naming the thing I began to feel like I could fight back. Artistic endeavors have always come easily to me and I was worried I was losing my ability. The last few weeks I had a recurring dream that I forgot how to perform, I would wake up with this odd sense of dread. It's funny, my insecurity about my project started to bleed into every aspect of my artistic life and cripple any attempt to create. As I sat this morning struggling to find the energy to go clean my shop I realized what had been going on. I wish I could say that this realization opened the creative flood gates and I began building at this moment, striking my head and shouting, "eureka!" It did not, but it did at least lead me over to my computer where I wrote this post...baby steps. I am writing this not only as a way to say what I am feeling but also as a way to help you, my friends. If you have ever lost your creative way or some day you do, realize you are not alone. Find the other creative types in your life and ask them how they battle creative depression. Drink a warm cup of coffee and try to remember why you love to create. Look back at the beauty in the world that inspired you in the first place and try to remember that passion. I can't guarantee anything but it seemed to rekindle the fire a bit for me. -David
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David Mort
These are the stories of my journey as a puppet builder. Some will be about my life and the role puppets have played in it and some will be about a project I am working on. I hope you enjoy my musing about life, love and puppets! Archives
May 2014
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